Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Shack by Wm. Paul Young


Well, tonight I finished reading a book that a teacher-friend loaned me. It is called The Shack and I must admit that it was VERY moving. I don't want to give away the plot or anything in case others want to read it, but basically it is a story about a man who meets God. It is very thought-provoking and touching. I cried through a lot of it and some of it was "over my head," but then again a lot of it really spoke to my heart. I would definitely recommend it to others. I found it very interesting that one of the key things stressed in the book is the spiritual nature of relationships that we build with others. This really made me think about the friendships we have formed since starting the adoption process! There are lots of time when I really mourn the loss of being able to have biological children due to the cancer/hysterectomy that I had to have back in 2000. I wonder why this adoption journey has to be so difficult and long for us???? After reading this book, I think of the friends that I would not have made if it had all happened so quickly. I treasure the friendships I have made with Tonja, Jamie, Felicity, and my friends in the Roanoke FCC (Kim, Deb, Trina, Jennifer......) This book just really made me think about all of this.....Anyhow, I just wanted to share this with all of you and if you choose to read the book, I hope it will mean a lot to you too.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Doug Passed The Citizenship Test!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well this week has certainly been a busy one. On Tuesday we left after work and drove to Washington D.C. where we stayed the night so that Doug could get up early to take the U.S. Citizenship Test/Interview. He passed with NO PROBLEMS! He was in and out of there soooooooooooo quick! Now we just have to wait for a letter from Roanoke about the day and time of his swearing-in ceremony! How exciting! I am so proud of my Canadian husband. He decided to get his citizenship for two reasons:
1. He really does love this country.
2. He wants to be a citizen to provide stability for our little girl in case something should happen to me. Of course we don't foresee anything happening to me, but you just never know what the future holds so he wanted to make sure that he has the rights of a U.S. citizen in order to take care of our child. What a wonderful Daddy!
Anyhow, we'll let you know when he officially is to be sworn in. This is so exciting!!!!!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Friday Night's Dream

Ok, I have debated over and over whether I wanted to share this dream online, but after keeping it to myself for two days and treasuring the emotions that the dream gave me, I am going to share with everyone a very special dream I had Friday night. Basically it wasn't like any dream I've ever had. It was about our baby in China....our little Rebekah. I've seen person after person online talk about dreaming about their baby but I never have had that experience and was a little envious that others had had these touching experiences. All day yesterday and this morning I thought about the very vivid pictures and the emotions of the dream, and I honestly think that it was a gift from Heavenly Father to keep me focused on my dream of being a mother to this little baby. The dream involved Doug and I being in China and getting our baby. I remember she was all bundled up in this yellow outfit and her cheeks were really red and she looked scared. She was whimpering a little when they handed her to me, but I remember that once I took her in my arms, I didn't hear anything around me, or notice anything around me but her. She was looking into my eyes and I was touching her little face reassuring her that she was ok and I loved her so much! I remember that I was kissing her little chubby cheeks over and over and she just kept staring at me. Even now, typing this, I have tears rolling down my cheeks! I remember at one point in the dream she sighed and just laid her head against my chest and it felt so wonderful!!!! I remember just sitting her against me and all these people were around with their babies and talking and I didn't hear anything. I just rocked her and sang to her and it was a beautiful moment. I know some people will say this is just "wishful thinking" but I am curious to see how it all plays out in China. I have been so guarded about all the hoopla surrounding rumors of a "speed-up" in referrals and just working so hard to NOT get excited about being a mom soon. Maybe this is Heavenly Father's way of telling me that's it ok to let my guard down a little and get a little excited and feel those nurturing feelings that only a mommy can feel towards her child. Oh, I hope so. I was pretty quiet a lot yesterday as we went to Burlington to meet our friends and then afterwards as I was thinking about this dream and wondering where it came from and if it has any significant meaning in my life. My friend Tonja gave me a copy of their referral picture and I couldn't help but wonder, "how long will it be before I'm giving her one of Rebekah's pictures and how long will it be before I'm looking into the eyes of MY sweet girl????" Anyhow, I'm sharing this dream because I feel a renewed sense of hope and a connection to my child half way across the world. Who knows....maybe she's dreaming of me and the same moment that I dreamed of meeting her. I'd like to think so.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Great Visit With Fellow-Adoptive Parents

We rode down to Burlington, NC to meet with our friends Tonja and Robby who are adopting from China too. We got to see their referral that they just got and Tonja even gave me a copy of her beautiful baby's picture and a very encouraging card! THanks Tonja! After lunch at Olive Garden (yum yum), we went back to their house and had wonderful conversation with them. It was so nice to just sit and talk and be with friends who "get us" as far as how hard this waiting is. They shared memories of their first adoption from China and we just had a great time! We honestly didn't want to leave! hahahahahahahahaha We even got to play with their cute doggy (McGregor!). YAY! Of course now I want a dog! hahahahahahahahaha Thanks Tonja and Robby for being such sweet friends.....can't wait to do it again and SOON!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Geez, here we go again........

I wish people with rumors of a speed-up in the adoption world would just shut-up! There are more rumors out there that several agencies are spreading saying that the next two months are going to see some miraculous speed-up...........WHATEVER!!!!!! I don't even let myself get excited about these rumors anymore.....they are FALSE....they are always FALSE.......and then the RUMOR ROYALTY comes back on and posts that she knew it would be false. When will people stop believing that these things are really going happen? THEY HAVE NOT EVER BEEN RIGHT ABOUT THIS.....WHY WOULD IT HAPPEN NOW????? Geez.........

Thursday, March 05, 2009

35th LID-iversary........Will It End?????


Today is our 35th LID-iversary...........I have nothing else to say except......DITTO.........
The picture has nothing to do with anything......I just needed a cute little picture to help me get through the day and not get depressed......"It's not easy being green........"

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

HAPPY and SAD at the same time!!!!!!!


Ok, I am a blubbering mess right now! My two friends, Tonja and Jamie got the pictures of their babies and I looked at Jamie's this morning and cried and then looked at Tonja's just now and cried more. What BEAUTIFUL baby girls they have! I am so very very very very very very happy for them! I feel like an AUNT! hahahahahahaha What a beautiful time it is to share in their joy and the thrill of their adoption journey, but now it is so emotional to look at their babies' and wonder what our Rebekah looks like and wonder WHERE IS SHE??????? Is she ok? Is there someone holding her when she cries or keeping her little feet covered up in the cold? Is she getting enough to eat? Is there someone to play with her or soothe her when she's scared???????? Oh my gosh, all these emotions are just bubbling up inside of me and I want our baby NOW!!!!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't want her alone a minute longer!!!!! Whew, what a mess I am right now..........I think I need to go get myself together and just say a prayer that she is ok. I love you Tonja and Jamie and I'm so happy for you.....really I am! Thank you for taking me along on your journey and please understand that even though I am an emotional trainwreck wanting my baby, I am THRILLED TO DEATH for you guys!!!!!

Monday, March 02, 2009

Congrats To Tonja and Robby!


My dear friend, Tonja called me tonight after 8pm with the news that she got her referral call and has a baby girl from China! She is 8 months old and comes from the same province as her big sister, Caitlin! Oh I am so happy for them.....Tonja sounded like a proud mommy and it brought tears to my eyes when she said, "I have my baby, Susan!" I held it in as best I could until we said goodbye and then I just lost it! How wonderful to know that my friend has finally been given her baby's referral and to know that one day it will happen for us too! I am so happy for Tonja, Robby, and Caitlin! It's about time!

Congrats To Jamie and Matt!


Our friend from Chesapeake, VA: Jamie called me this afternoon and as soon as I answered, she said, "IT'S A GIRL!" Oh my gosh we both cried! I have never met Jamie face-to-face but we have talked online for months and we both have the same agency so we've just bonded! Her LID is 03/03/06 and now she knows that her baby, Ella Ray, is an 18-month girl from Hunan Province! I was surprised how choked up and emotional I got talking to Jamie and I think all I could say was, "Oh my gosh and Wow." I am so happy for her and then there's a little part of my heart that is so envious too. I would be lying if I said it doesn't hurt to also see the joy that others are experiencing as they get their referrals, but I'm taking the high road and thoroughly trying to share in their joy and looking forward to the day when it will be OUR TURN!!! So...........congrats Jamie!!!!! Now, I'm waiting for my other friend in Burlington,NC: Tonja and Robby to get their referral. They are also LID 03/03/06! Two little girls from China are so blessed to have loving mommies.....two very special friends of mine!!!!