A Letter To Our Baby (On 3 and 1/2 Year LID-iversary)

Dearest Rebekah,
As I sit here on this day and wonder how much longer it will be before we see your face in a referral and then how much longer until we HOLD you, my heart is so full of love for you. You will never understand how much I love you until you have a child of your own. This whole adoption journey has been one that has not been the easiest, but I KNOW in my heart that you are meant to be our little girl. I can feel your spirit pulling us to China. I know that you are longing for a mommy and Daddy to hold you and love you, just as we are longing for a baby girl to love us and give us toothless grins and sweet giggles. We need each other my darling and one day (hopefully soon) our innermost desires and heartfelt prayers will be answered. The day WILL come when we will walk into a room and have our names called. And as we step forward, we will see your sweet face and feel you placed in our arms FOREVER! Oh my gosh, I'm sure you will cry and be frightened at first, but we will hold you close and speak words of love in your ear. We will rock you and comfort you, and in time you will come to know the love of two parents and come to trust us to take care of you. Of course we will make mistakes and I hope you will be patient with us as we learn to be parents and we promise to be patient with you as you learn what it means to be part of our family........our little baby! I can't wait to bathe you and put lotion and powder on you to comfort you. I hope you like the smell of Johnson's Baby Lotion......sometimes I go in your room now and open the bottle and put a little on my hands, just to savor the smell and to know that one day YOU will smell like that! Yes, you have a very silly Mommy! I also look through the little clothes and outfits that hang in your closet and are in your drawers and I picture your little arms and legs being in those things. I look at the hairbows and ribbons and picture your beautiful hair adorned with those things. Oh my goodness......let's hope you like those frilly things (unlike your Aunt Stacey....hahahahahahahaha). I just had another thought.......what if we're in for a big surprise and our referral is for a boy?????????????? Oh my, we have a LOT of things to change in your room if that is the case, and instead of the letter being for Rebekah, it will have to be for Cameron MacClayne.....hahahahahaha That's always a possibility, but I just feel deep in my heart that YOU will be a little girl....OUR little girl that I have dreamed and prayed for ALL OF MY LIFE! That's right Rebekah, I have wanted to be a mother to a little girl for as long as I can remember. All those years of having baby dolls and dreaming of the one day when I would have a REAL baby in my arms have prepared me to be YOUR mommy. The tender feelings deep in a mother's heart are so special and so hard to put into words. I cannot describe them and every time I do, the words are so inadequate to even compare to what I am feeling when I think of you. How do you describe love?????? I don't think you truly can sweetie, but I promise to SHOW you love and I hope that you will love me back. I hope that I will be the kind of mommy that you will always be able to talk to and to share your thoughts and feelings with. I'm sure there will be times when I will have discipline you and I promise you now that I will always discipline with love in my heart. I want you to always know that I love you and want the best for you in life. I want you to grow up believing in yourself and enjoying the beauties of life. I want to explore and learn and become the best person you can be in life. And during all those year, I promise to always be there for you; cheering you along. I will be your biggest fan and will find joy in YOUR joy. I will share your pain and disappointments in life; for life is full of those too. But even in tough times, you can find reassurance in my love for you. I pray that you will grow up knowing that we all have a loving Heavenly Father who is never far from us. I hope you find comfort in prayer and that you will develop a strong testimony of the Gospel. I pray that you will try to make righteous choices in life and when you make mistakes, you will repent and learn from them. We all have to do that too. No one is perfect baby girl. Oh my goodness, I just love you so much already and you're not even in our arms yet. And while I'm talking about the love I will have for you, let me just mention your Daddy.........you are going to LOVE your Daddy. He is so loving and funny and just a great guy. He wants to be your Daddy so badly! We talk about you and what it will be like once we have you with us. His eyes just light up when he talks about being your Daddy. I hope you will know how much you are wanted by both of us! You are going to be so spoiled! hahahahahahaha Well, I guess I should close out this rather lengthy and emotional letter. Yes, I have cried as I typed this to you today, but that's ok, you'll learn that your mommy is a very very very emotional person.....get used to the tears! Take care my sweet little one......you are FOREVER in my heart; tucked in there so lovingly; protected until the joyous day when you will be tucked in my arms and loved and protected FOREVER. I pray that you are safe, and warm, and that someone is holding you when you cry, until we can do that ourselves. Sending you my love baby girl!
Love,
Mommy (and Daddy)