Hallmark Ornament For This Year & "Big Girl Panties"

Today Doug and I drove down to Burlington, NC and ended up stopping by the Hallmark Store. We have a tradition that every year we buy a Hallmark ornament to add to our Christmas tree. Well this year it was Doug's turn to pick it out and when he saw this one, he knew we had to add it to our collection. This year they have ornaments from different countries and one of those countries is China. It comes with two ornaments: one is a little pagoda and one is the little Chinese girl. Gosh, I hope this will be the last holiday season without Baby Bekah. I'm serious.......this wait is just ridiculous and heartbreaking and just plain out NOT fair! Yes, I'm a little emotional tonight.........why do other people get to just pop out babies and then people who want a child to love more than life itself have to wait at the mercy of others who drag out a process that was supposed to be just 6 months???????????? On November 5, 2007 we will have been logged in to the CCAA for 19 MONTHS! That doesn't even include the 12 months before that that we filled out paperwork, authenticated forms, notarized forms, had a homestudy done by a social worker that dragged a 6 week process into 23 weeks, medical exams, immunizations, etc. It doesn't include the 2 and 1/2 years we worked with the public system to try to adopt a baby only to be overlooked time after time because we didn't have any children and were not "experienced" parents.
Oh boy.......I didn't mean to go off on tangent like that in a simple posting about a Hallmark ornament, and I've thought about backspacing and deleting it all, but it's truly how I'm feeling tonight. I love the ornament and it will look so precious on our tree this year, but I would give it all up to just hold our baby this year. THAT'S what I want most of all.......to hold our baby and be done with this whole arduous, heartbreaking, process. The other week I was talking to a dear online friend (who shares the same LID) and we were laughing at how obsessed we've become over things like ladybugs, pandas, 100 wishes quilts, etc. etc. and what it all boils down to is these are the things we have right now to focus on while we wait all of this out. Thank goodness we have met people along the way who try to encourage us, uplift us, and share in our pain, but sometimes when you sit and think too long about the pain of the wait, you can't help but feel a little down and the tears come whether you want them too or not. There's nothing else you can do. You can't MAKE the CCAA speed up, you can't fill out another form, or contact a government official, or even pay any amount of money to make your place in the proverbial "LID line" speed up. And I think that's the worst part.........you can't do anything but hang in there, suck it up, and pray pray pray that your turn will come before you lose your mind. In Cracker Barrel today there was a card that said, "Put your big girl panties on and face it." THAT'S my theme now........Please pray that things move along quicker! Oh, and enjoy the pictures of the ornament! hahahahahahahahaha